Of Course I Do
by only here in your arms
Summary: "Hold those thoughts until you get back." But I can't hold my thoughts and coming back means leaving you right now, which I don't want to do. Please answer me now. Finale/Frostival spoilers One-shot


**I loved this episode. I really did. Is it summer yet?**

**Enjoy this drabble, I had to write it after watching the new episode. Please review.**

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"I need to know if you mean what I think you mean."

Eli just really wanted to know. He'd been wracking his brain over and over ever since his impromptu lunch "date" with Clare for what she was feeling and honestly, he had no idea what he was feeling either. When he decided to offer his help for the newspaper he thought he was able to keep his former feelings for Clare buried deep within his heart. Obviously, that wasn't the case.

_It's all in the past_, he had said to her just earlier that day. And she had agreed. But then Eli's lap was scalded with Clare's cauliflower soup that managed to stay scolding hot between the morning and lunch. Eli would've never imagined that all his feelings would rush back just from the fact that Clare would spill something on him. But he didn't even know what these feelings were of. Did this mean that he found himself loving her again or did it simply mean that the feelings he tried to bury weren't buried well enough?

But really, it doesn't even matter to him. It doesn't matter what he feels right now. Right now, all that matters is what Clare feels. And Clare Edwards is an enigma stuffed inside a burrito.

So who the hell can decipher what Clare Edwards feels?

Eli could feel his ears burning from the moment he decided to turn around to Clare. She was looking at him with an expression he couldn't read but that wasn't surprising. But the next moment was. Because the next moment, Clare was walking towards him and her hand pulled on his jacket and she leaned up to kiss him.

_What is going on?_

Eli kissed her back, like any sane man would. But the kiss ended too soon and his question still wasn't answered. "Whoa" was his initial reaction and he wanted to ask all of the questions that he was wondering but she stopped him.

"Hold those thoughts until you get back."

_But I can't hold my thoughts and coming back means leaving you right now, which I don't want to do. Please answer me now. I need to know if you feel what I—_

Eli decided to obey Clare's wishes and he contently yet confusedly walked to his dad's car. He said nothing when he sat in Bullfrog's car and avoided his dad's stares. His dad had to have witnessed the most confusing but liberating moment of his life and Eli didn't care that he did. But he didn't want to talk about it since he knew Bullfrog would ask questions that he didn't have to answers to.

So Eli sat in silence all the way home. When he finally floated up the stairs to his room, he closed his door and pressed his back onto it. He let out the deepest sigh and ran his hand through his winded hair. He found a bunch of folded clothes on his bed and an unzipped suitcase. Quickly, he started packing his clothes in an orderly fashion, taking his time with each piece of clothing and placing them in the right place in his suitcase. He got all of his necessary items, brush for his hair, his guitar pick necklace, his black leather bracelet. While he looked on his dresser for the accessories he usually wore outside of Degrassi, he found the small, silver hoop that used to be attached to his ear. He had taken it out just recently because his ear got red but he didn't take it off until just recently. He didn't take it off when he and Clare broke up. It had become a part of him, just like the girl he'd gotten the piercing with.

Eli picked up the silver earring and carefully looped it back through the hole. He turned his right side to the mirror to see how the earring looked on him. For some reason, it looked foreign. He never really found the earring to be like his necklace or bracelet. Since he never took it off, he never had to worry about it. Eli put his hair back over his ear and the earring disappeared behind it. And all of a sudden, Eli wondered. _Does Clare still have it too?_

Before Eli could act on impulse, there was a knock on the door and Cece walked into his room holding more things for him to pack."How was the carnival?" Cece asked nonchalantly. "And how'd the paper go?"

_Better than I imagined_, Eli thought in his mind. He didn't know which question that was the answer for.

"Good," was his simple answer. "We got the paper done and the carnival was a success."

Cece dropped the subject then and left, but not before a knowing look at her son. _Bullfrog must've told her what he saw,_ Eli rolled his eyes to himself. He continued to pack his suitcase in silence, stuffing it to the brim until he knew that he had all that he needed.

Suddenly he was overwhelmed with the need to do something. He paced in his room, back and forth, until finally he grabbed his phone from his jacket and dialed it. He waited and paced and waited and paced and froze when he heard a hesitant, "Hello?"

"I just need to know one thing," Eli said quickly.

"Eli, I—"

"No, this isn't about…I mean, I know what you said, I just, I…."

"Eli?"

"Do you still have it?" Eli held his breath during the silence.

"Have what?"

"The piercing…our matching piercings…from our night of rebellion and contraband kissing." Eli smacked his forehead. "I mean…the piercing. Do you still have it?"

"Of course I do."

Eli sat down on his bed as he stopped pacing and smiled in relief. "Good," he said in a cheerful tone he couldn't mask. "So do I."

"You do?"

"Of course I do," Eli smirked.

There was a silence between them that lasted almost a minute but the silence was comfortable. Bearable. No awkwardness. All that Eli wanted. _But I got more than that._

"Well that's all I wanted to know," Eli said after the silence. "I'll…talk to you when I get back."

"Tell me when you do, get back I mean. Have a good break, Eli."

"You too Clare. I—" Eli paused, thinking carefully of his words. He didn't want their conversation to end because he didn't know what the outcome will be after break. So he said what he could to keep the conversation going. To keep this Eli and Clare, the one that wrote together, joked around with each other, make each other comfortable in even the most awkward situations. He wanted this Eli and Clare right now."…wanted to thank you, for…getting me to throw away the cotton candy."

"Well I knew you weren't going to be able to finish it!"

And their conversation lasted for hours. It wasn't until Bullfrog knocked on his door to tell him that he needs to sleep for their flight that Eli finally bid Clare goodnight.

_When I get back I'll get things out in the open. She'll know how I feel, what I want, and maybe she'll want the same thing. But maybe I should figure out how I feel and what I want first._

Eli may not know how he feels but he knows at least part of what he wants. What he wants can be summarized in the simplest of questions, warranting the simplest of answers. Does he want Clare Edwards to be part of his life? Of course he does.


End file.
